What is socially appropriate to say in conversation? Sex, politics, religion, family: every subject is bound to offend someone. But should we let fear of insult stifle how we really feel? 

I’ve held my tongue during political rampages, crossed my legs at the ankles and played nice at dinner. I’ve been grateful when exhausted, congratulatory when unimpressed, and silent when angry. To my parents and many others, learning what to say at the right time is merely understanding social courtesy. They say that there are certain things you simply don’t say to other people, no matter how strongly you feel or the justification on which you base your opinion. Some statements are not worth the offense. 

In one sense, I agree with my parents and many of my peers. Saying or doing something that could potentially be hurtful simply to express one’s “honest opinion” is selfish, and disregards the feelings of others for personal satisfaction. I agree, too, that having standards of decency eases social interactions and prevents many derogatory, hurtful slurs. 

However, I ask whether we have taken these standards too far. When honest conversation is reduced to little more than common nicety, when euphemism replaces the necessary truth, a problem exists that we are simply unwilling to address. 

Blunt, accurate language is often transformed to pretty language that means nothing. “This relationship isn’t working” becomes “I’m happy enough”. “My roommate is inconsiderate and a dick” becomes “He’s artsy”. “You look sad, are you okay?” becomes nothing but silence. In many situations, we are so afraid of insult that we hesitate to address issues that really matter, to take a risk with our reputation to say what we mean. 

And that is where the problem lies. Without adequate verbal expression of how we feel, we are at risk of convincing ourselves that our instinctive emotions are not important, that it is better to please than to communicate honestly. With many of these concessions we make, we set aside truth to avoid pain, and this threatens to minimize our most important questions and arguments for fear of being insulting. 

While there will always be a need for basic decency, we should reevaluate what this standard means to us. Does this standard mean staying silent during discussion of politics, sex, or religion, the three fiery no-no’s in every Miss Manners column? Does it mean hesitating to ask a friend to be healthier if she parties or drinks too much? Is it pretending to be happy if one is completely overwhelmed and sad? Each of us must decide for ourselves the meaning of societal standards.

Frankly, I’m still struggling to understand what the proper balance between propriety and honesty should be. I don’t want to unduly hurt anybody’s feelings, but I don’t want to silence my opinions outright either. What I do know is that more than anything, I value honesty in a person. And as we head further towards propriety, I hope that this honesty continues to shine.

Chain-link around Pauley, caution tape around Bruin Walk… what’s next? Sheets over Royce? A plastic flamingo in Wilson Plaza? Here at UCLA, the administration seems more focused on revamping facilities and building sidewalks than on saving educational programs, and we as students have merely tramped along with it.  

Sort of like sheep, we’ve dutifully followed each construction sign. Oh, you want me to hike through the bike racks here, walk over a newly constructed wood plank there, and then take a ten-minute detour through a chain-link maze? Sure, why not, and while you’re at it, please throw in blaring horns, bulldozers with blades that come precariously close to student heads, and the omnipresent clanking of metal. Perfect! 

Well, it’s time I registered my complaint, instead of greeting each disruption with measured indifference. The construction is altering student life as we know it. Tearing up Bruin Walk for a few weeks may not seem like a big deal, but it wrecks havoc on club plans to flyer and advertise. Destroying the streets on the hill for two quarters may seem minor, but it’s extremely disruptive to the many drivers navigating through the hastily constructed alleys. Fencing off Pauley and moving graduation ceremonies for three years is simply a travesty. 

Has the administration considered its current students at all when adopting these renovation plans? At what cost will the university destroy the campus now to ensure slightly better facilities for students in the future? 

I don’t want to be selfish but my peers and I have always been told that UCLA is “our” university. We can grow and learn from it, but we also can contribute to its change. Yet what I seem now is the antithesis of this mantra: that UCLA is just borrowed property, that we have no say in the destruction or rebuilding of our campus. 

It’s not unreasonable to expect a dorm room where one doesn’t have to wake up to the thud of hammers, or to want to walk down BruinWalk without fearing bulldozers. It’s not unreasonable to expect our university to place us first, to hold true to its original promise of a beautiful campus and a pristine classroom environment.  

As students, we should expect more than a campus filled with artificial walkways and a landscape littered with metal cranes. We should expect more.