I saw a girl smoking today. She was pretty in an Urban Outfitters checkered-tunic sort of way, and she pulled off the slouchy beanie on her head flawlessly. She was in all instances a normal girl, who happened to be smoking a cigarette on her way to class.
As I walked by, I thought about her friends and whether they had sat her down and asked her to quit. Whether they had treated her with love and said, “I care about you and want to see you live a long, healthy life, and I’m asking you to quit, for yourself.” These questions passed through my head soundlessly as I hurried to my own class. I wondered whether the words of her imaginary friends would have any effect, or whether her friends perpetuated her habit.
I know that I am in no position to judge others, but it is difficult for me to understand why so many young people smoke when we have been inundated with the negative health consequences since childhood.
I have a lot of friends who smoke, and most of the time, I shake off my worry because I know that smoking is their decision and I shouldn’t judge them for what I believe to be harmful. However, if I were to sit down with my loved ones, would my words prompt change? In other words, can we change our friends at all?
In some ways, I believe the answer is yes. Humans are impressionable beings. Despite what we say to the contrary, praise produces joy, however faint, and derision makes us reconsider our actions. However, in another sense, I do not believe we have the power to change deeply inset beliefs of our friends, nor should we try to force this change.
When I think about talking to friends who smoke, I know that their minds will not be swayed by the fact that smoking can cause cancer, respiratory infection, or heart disease. They know these details and yet their habits persist. I try to look at it from their perspective. Smoking feels good, it’s a quick high, it takes the edge off.
Instead, I must appeal to their hearts: “I love you, I don’t want to see you hurting yourself.” If that doesn’t work, I must learn to accept the habits of my friends. I cannot change what they believe, nor should I try to force my belief system onto them. Most of all, acceptance is important between friends; relationships cannot be contingent upon one party changing his behavior. All I can do is share my concerns, express my continued acceptance, and let my friends discover for themselves, over time, their own incentives to quit.
I think back to that girl in the checkered shirt, and wonder if her friends have come to the same conclusion.
One Lovely Day 
I do believe that it’s a college experience to smoke. I have a friend that recently began to smoke cigarettes, in fact it got to the point it was almost 1/2 to 1 pack a day. As we had lunch today, he told me that he will attempt to quit after this pack. I’m still not sure of the consequences of this move, but I hope he can cut back on his habit and live a healthy life once again!
“I know that I am in no position to judge others, but it is difficult for me to understand why so many young people smoke when we have been inundated with the negative health consequences since childhood.” Because you’re a young, upper middle class girl whose had the fortune of a good education and a decent upbringing. Not everyone is so lucky. What really bothers me, however, is your decision to let your friends choose to do something that you know is inherently harmful. It has nothing to do with respecting their choices or whatnot. It’s just being a bad friend if you don’t ask why they smoke and why they haven’t quit. Why would you let someone you care about hurt their selves? If your friend was considering suicide, would you let them “make their own decision”? It’s not a stretch to say that smoking is exactly that, and if you think that either should be okay for friends, then you need to re-evaluate how you treat them and how they treat you.
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