For me, growing up was about learning how to assimilate: about adapting the social habits, patterns of speech, and dress of the typical American. It was easy for me to leave my culture behind. My dad had escaped Los Angeles poverty; my mom had flown across an ocean to settle down. Both were eager to start fresh. There was nothing left to tie me to my background, except for my outward appearance.

Even that didn’t seem to matter. My family wore the right clothes and spoke without accents. My mother volunteered in class, my dad taught me how to play soccer, and we lived in a big house with a playground in the backyard. I was taught that I could accomplish anything, attend any college, succeed in any career. It was the quintessential American dream.

In my hometown of Pleasanton, I never once felt marginalized because I was Asian, even though Caucasians compiled over 70% of the population and Asians were but 15%. Neighbors were welcoming and gracious, and they accepted my family into the community with ease. We were no different than our Caucasian neighbors, for the trappings of suburbia left us all equal. As such, I felt no discrimination because of race growing up.

But this post isn’t about my childhood experience, not really. Instead, it about those that do feel ostracized because of their race, a group of individuals that I have never really considered until a few days ago. Because I never saw racism growing up, I simply thought it didn’t exist. Any attempt to discuss racial differences in a light other than”diversity is good” would be swept under the rug and classified as”taboo”. But even now, as I begin to realize that many people do not share my perceptions on race, my upbringing has left me unable to truly understand the marginalization of other minority individuals.

Recently, one of my friends confronted me and told me how marginalized she feels daily, simply because she is African-American. Later, my roommate shared with me stories that her sociology professor, an older African-American man, had shared with her. She said that he would walk down the street and Caucasian and Asian girls would shrink away, that police would target him for no reason, and that most people seemed to ignore him. He recounted how one day, he didn’t want to reenter a classroom to retrieve a water bottle he had left behind because he worried that the white girl now sitting at his desk would react negatively when she saw him approaching.

These are issues which I have never considered before, mostly because I haven’t had to. Considering that I am both an Asian and a girl, I have been fortunate to have avoided the discrimination that haunts others on a daily basis. Because of this, I have retained my optimism in the goodness of others. I do not meet new people and automatically assume they are judging me based on my race. I am, in most respects, secure in my identity and trust that individuals will judge me on how I act and what I say, not by what I look like.

To consider individuals who do not have this optimism makes me sad. I cannot imagine going through life believing that others only look at the color of my skin when they see me, that instead of thinking “optimistic”, “bubbly”, or any other adjective one may ascribe to me, someone could take one look and say “Asian.” The concept is a new one, and it hurts.

At the same time, some minority individuals navigate life with this perspective. Some, I can imagine, are left wary of any genuine connections and find it difficult to trust their friends. Others accept their feelings of not fitting in as simple facts of life. Honestly, I cannot understand what individuals who feel marginalized go through on a daily basis, but I can say this: I can no longer sweep the issue of race under the carpet, not when I have been given the knowledge to open my eyes.

I do not deny that it is human nature to feel attracted to individuals who are like us and to fear those who are different. This trait constantly manifests itself in our interactions with others, and sets the tone for marginalization to occur. But just because it is human nature does not mean it should be ignored or forgotten.

Discrimination is not a myth: just because I cannot feel it does not mean that others make it up. The simple fact that discrimination is still real to some people should enliven it for all of us.

So how do we solve this pervasive issue of race, which has crammed our history books with wars, enslavement, and so much discrimination? Clearly, we cannot proclaim that race does not exist and have it come true. Biologically, it will take millions of years of procreation to arrive at a homogenous-looking world. Mentally, it may take just as long to eliminate racial stereotypes. We must conclude that in our futures, race will exist, and people will feel ostracized.

Nevertheless, we have come a long way since African-American enslavement (1776-1865), the Anti-Chinese immigration laws of the late 1800’s, and the Japanese internment camps of WWII. We have granted the right to vote to citizens of every race and gender, and are progressing to allowing gay individuals to marry, a monumental step for civil rights. Through legal means, we have redefined what is acceptable in American society. Change is possible, as long as deeper resentments fade alongside it. The fact that I could grow up in a majority-white community and feel welcomed is a testament to the idea of change.

However, change will not happen overnight, in a year, or perhaps even within our lifetimes. Rather, it is the seeds we sow now that will persist. It is instilling in our future children — simply through our own acceptance — a lack of stereotypes, an open mind, and a desire to understand others that will bring about the changes that all of us need.