I’m juggling so many emotions as I sit in the San Francisco International Airport, waiting for the plane that will start my journey. Excitement, fear, apprehension — yes, even though I’ve told my parents I’ll be fine I’m rather cautious — the feelings run through me steadily and I have a hard time thinking straight. One moment, I’m quizzing myself on the location of my backpack keys and the process by which I open my suitcase; the next, I’m observing the chaotic mass around me.
Each person is absorbed in his or her own life. In the row to my left, three academics pace through their literature, while in my row, a mom-and-daughter pair with similar light hair and sharp noses comment on whatever they’re seeing on their computer screens. (I imagine that the daughter is going to college and that the pair is picking out dorm room furniture, but it’s really too loud here for me to eavesdrop. Hey, anything for the accuracy of a post, right?)
A few aisles to my right, two dark-skinned boys — one in a white cap with a Nike swoosh — are throwing a baseball. Oh! They just left, most likely headed to their Atlanta destination. Sigh. That annoying loudspeaker voice has just begun his perpetual monotone: “Federal regulation stipulates that each passenger have one carry-on…” Life is whizzing by around me and although I’m tired and slightly nauseous from being driven in circles while texting, I manage to exhale. It’s lovely, this patchwork of noise and silent reading and waiting. Mostly waiting.
Today is the beginning of my four month adventure to Europe. After my two day detour to visit Ellen, I will be wholeheartedly on my own. No parents, no relationship, and nobody I really know. And you know what? I’m happy. I have so many hopes and dreams for myself in London and elsewhere, exploring ruins, monuments and wonders, making memories by myself and for myself.
Most importantly, I want to remember not to be scared. When I look to the future, I realize all the terrors from which I could shy away. Scary women-haters out to kidnap me, loneliness, getting lost in a foreign land. These are legitimate fears, fears that my parents and friends share and of which I am aware. But I will not let my fear of the unknown scare me into losing my sense of daring. I want to find the strength to jump fully into the world, capturing London, Paris, Madrid, and Venice (everywhere!) with my camera and my words. I do not want to let my fear stop me from experiencing every joy life has, or from becoming myself more fully.
I imagine navigating the streets of London with just my satchel and my guidebook, entering shops with welcoming signs and avoiding large department stores with little character. I want to trip on cobblestone steps, grow familiar with all the British museum exhibits, and look at a painting and learn more about myself. I want to grow.
Oh, Melanie!
Who are you, Melanie-in-the-future? Have you added to your list of world wonders? Have you written your heart out, admitted your secrets, danced carelessly through the streets? Have you conquered your fear or being alone, found a true passion, loved truly? Who are you?
Right now, I am a single passenger ready to board the Delta Airlines plane bound for New York, seat 43D. That’s where I am now, in this seat. In a few hours, I will be walking the streets of New York, beginning my first adventure.
Who will I be in four months? Thank goodness, I still have a while to discover this answer.
One Lovely Day 
Hello, guy! I’m utterly accede to that way of thinking and all of connected.
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